Date out of your usual type. Would you like to go on a date again with your first boyfriend? I didn't think so! Our preferences understandably change as we grow older, so avoid the mistake of looking out for a blueprint of your ex. Dating out of type and saying yes to people who you wouldn't traditionally have gone on a date with is a good way to re-examine whether your 'type' is as rigid as you thought.
Hayley Quinn, a leading dating expert, gave Femail her advice on dating for over forties. Meet people relatively quickly. When you crush with someone you like online, it can be really easy to develop an idea of them in your head before you have actually built a real life connection. Stay safe and meet in a public space, but prioritise doing this early on in the dating process.
This helps you to see whether that connection works just as well offline as it does online.
Don't get stuck in the past. It is far too easy in a social media world to look up former partners on Facebook, and wonder what might have been. Again though, by checking up the younger generation would call this 'creeping' on your ex's profile it keeps you stuck in the past, and can prevent you from being open minded to new opportunities.
Much more than documents.
Get out of the house. Offline dating is back, but that doesn't have to mean meeting in a bar. If you long for an era before instant messaging don't forget that people still like to meet in real life. It can be about making simple swaps like taking your book to a coffee shop to read, or your laptop to a nice cafe to get out of the house and into contact with more people you could connect with.
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Smile, make eye contact, and remember not to put your bag down on the seat next to you. If you find that you always manage to choose the 'wrong type' of person for you then you may need to spend longer getting to know someone before jumping into a relationship. Taking up a hobby whether that's a language, art or dance class can be a great way to build new social circles and get to know someone slowly.
If you find your social life has fallen by the wayside since your friends have coupled up then now is also a good time to not just refocus on dating but also to rebuild your social circles. If you turn up to an event or that dance class and realise that there's no 'potentials' there, instead of feeling flat use this as an opportunity to build new social links and contacts.
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This will refresh your social circles with new supportive relationships of people who are on the same path as you. Think carefully about what qualities to look out for. If you're using an online dating app it can be tempting just to think 'yes' to the person who has the job and look that you like. Take time to look out for other indicators of compatibility. These could be how often someone messages you, and how easy you find it to chat to them: How dare they reject me before I could reject them!
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I've had dating profiles on and off for years. Whether they were the ancient Nerve. Eventually, I'd get fed up with the banality of it all, hide my profile or delete the app. It has generally been rote and fruitless, with occasional flurries of excitement, but for someone who makes their living with words, I've had a weirdly difficult time wooing dudes with them. Still, the day after I turned 40, I decided to fire up an old profile and see what happened.
I'd taken a break from dating after a quick but hot liaison with a punk I'd met at a Damned concert petered out, but I wanted to, you know, put the vibes out there into the universe. As I waded through OkCupid's endless questions and block of text, I imagined the countless men of New York City setting their age filters to 35 or, gasp, 39, and I wondered if it was true that anyone who didn't accept me as I am isn't worth knowing.
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It never occurred to me in a serious way before this to lie about my age, even when I hit 30 or In the context of dating, those ages felt a lot less damning than 40; they felt a lot more viable. As ambivalent as I am about having my own children, there's something haunting about that scene from My Cousin Vinny where Marisa Tomei stomps her foot about her biological clock ticking. My clock didn't begin ticking louder when I turned 40, but the echo of her boots on the floor did.
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